I just need this year to end, and for me to escape to France. I can’t deal with this or anything, I hate the unknown or the wonder. I hate being this besotted and completely submerged in these emotions, it hurts. The emotions I can deal with, it’s the hope that gets me. The hope that maybe, one day she’ll let me adore her the way that I want to.
Perhaps it sounds to you like she’s the source of a lot of my turmoil, and that’s not true at all. My attachment, my turmoil and my true need for her comes from my other problems -and I hate that it does.
But I do want you to know, I suppose (and I don’t know if you care or not) that, even if I didn’t have my issues and even if I didn’t feel like I do -even if I was normal, I’d still care about her this much. Maybe it wouldn’t upset me as much, maybe I’d be able to just let her be happy without hurting but I do promise, she’s that incredible and amazing and the true embodiment of beauty that I’d want her as much as I do right now.
 I don’t know what this was mean to be saying, or why I wrote this at all.
I just think I need a break from everything. I’m going somewhere where no one knows me or about me, I’ll be completely alone. And that’s all I want. Just for a while, just for eternity.

--Andria